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MAGFest 2018 - Wario & the World Record

It's been a month since MAGFest and no blog. You thought I forgot, didn’t you? No. You just needed some time to chill and miss me a little. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Now allow me to carry you on my journey through MAGFest 2018 (to catch up on the previous years, go HERE).

DAY 1 – The Rise of Chad & Brad

Badge time. As tradition, I signed my usual name, except I decided to be extra badass and sign BAMF with an @ symbol…

...fuck me. It looks like BeMF. Bad……Elf.....Motherfucker? No. Be Extra, My Friends? Better. Babes Enjoy My Face? Yeah. Let’s go with that.

You know what? I’m too sober right now. Let’s head upstairs and get lit. Several cocktails later and these two assholes emerged. Ladies and gentlemen, meet Chad and Brad.

Some friends of mine for some reason had several boxes of the Lord of the Dance on DVD and asked me to help pass them out to MAG-goers. Mission accepted. I decided to assume the role of a proselytizer.

“Hey Brad, I’m gonna knock on strangers’ hotel doors and introduce them to our Lord and Savior.”

“I bet you $20 you won’t.”



*knock knock*

“Excuse me. Do you have a moment to talk about our Lord and Savior…?”

[cue annoyed faces]

“…Michael Flatley. The Lord of the Dance.”

Fast forward to being invited into a stranger’s room, offered cookies, and screwing your friend out of a twenty.

Has anyone ever asked you the following question, “If you could go back and do things differently, what would you change?” I now have my answer. I would use the Lord of the Dance hack to up my social game.

By the end of the night, we had passed out several dozen copies. If only I was half as good at promoting my own merch.

Oh, by the way. Check out our newest release!

If you’ve ever been to the Gaylord hotel, each of their bathrooms has a different genre of music playing. One restroom on the second floor had some sweet jazz blasting. I would love to download some similar music for my personal collection, but I’m afraid to google “bathroom jazz.”

This is the first year I decided to join the zombie survival game. Walking throughout the convention center are zombies (marked by a green bandage on their head or around their neck) and survivors (wearing the green bandage around their arm). If a survivor gets tagged by a zombie they have to engage in a battle of Rock, Paper, Scissors. These zombie fucks love to camp around the elevator banks. So, on one of my trips back to my room, I encountered three of them.

One, two, three, shoot! Rock beats scissors. Safe this round. Here comes the second zombie. One, two, three, shoot! Paper covers rock. Safe again. One more zombie. The fate of my soul will be decided here and now. One, two, three, shoot! Rock vs rock. The tie is in favor of the survivor. Holy shit! I made it! If I wasn’t already feeling invincible, the Jameson that followed got me into the mode of “Ain’t nobody gonna tell me shit!”

Decided to catch a concert and on stage was Master Sword. Nerd rock. Now, this is what MAGFest is all about.

C’mon Lily, you can’t dress like that around a bunch of virgins. Walking through that crowd was like going through an endless set of turnstiles because all the weebs were sporting boners. Anyway, good set guys. Time for bed because tomorrow is gonna be HUGE.

DAY 2 – Alyssa & the World Record Wizard Party

It seems my persistence is beginning to write itself into a legitimate part of MAGFest lore and into the heart of my MAGFest princess, Alyssa Menes. This year my presence was specifically requested.

Ok, Carly Rae Jepsen, "really like" isn't exactly creative writing. "Obsessed" would be a more appropriate word to use here. I suppose I can't let my fans down, so I arrived fashionably late and proceeded to be charming as hell.

See that smile? That’s the look of someone who knows they are in the presence of greatness.

It was time to head downstairs and visit the indie game studio displays. It was good to see Clash Cup Turbo back again. It’s basically a modern twist on Ice Hockey. Fun, quick action. Lots of replay value. They had a pretty polished game last year and now it’s pretty much ready for release.

Another return was Chrono Ghost. Seems they took our advice and made a character sprite for their protagonist. The game is a platformer that involves speeding up and slowing down time to traverse obstacles. They’re looking to have an official release completed by MAGFest 2019. (BTW, Drew and I will be writing music for this game. In fact, the reason this post is late is that I’ve been busy composing several tunes. I’ll put a SoundCloud playlist below if you wanna check them out.)

Time to set a world record. My friends with The Brothers Cosplay organized a legitimate Guinness World Record attempt for the most wizards gathered in one area. The previous record? 252. I was tasked as a steward to help verify the official count. First came the qualifying round where each wizard would stand in front of an impartial lawyer who would determine if the individual qualified as a wizard per the rules. The line was so fucking long we had to delay the start time of the official party.

Moment of truth. The official count was….562. More than double the original record. No big deal.

Seriously though, congratulations to The Brothers Cosplay. They put this whole thing together and made it possible. Best yet, it helped support Child’s Play, a non-profit that seeks to improve the quality of life for kids in pediatric hospitals with the kindness and generosity of the video game community and the power of play. Consider contributing to their cause.

The Super Soul Bros. were back this year and they had a listening party for their new release, MOTHERLODE!. I wish I could have jammed with them for the whole album, but counting wizards is tiring work. Time for bed.

DAY 3 – The Return of Chad & Brad

Went to see a panel with my man, Alexander Brandon along with Gareth Coker and Gerard Marino. First, let’s talk about Gerard. He looks like a cross between Ed from the band Live and Neil Strauss. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if you told me that Gerard was the one who actually wrote “The Game.” With his shaved head, goatee, and half-unbuttoned dress shirt he had a look that said, “This guy fucks.”

Anyway, I waited in line to ask a question and decided to keep them humble by asking them to talk about the biggest mistakes in their career. Their responses were essentially questioning “what if?” and feeling as though they had missed some good opportunities.

It’s Saturday night at MAGFest and I have a lot on my agenda. Continuing from last year’s A New Hope performance, Mr. Brandon is going to be doing a one-man re-enactment of The Empire Strikes Back. Also, our friend Sammus is back on the stage this year. Gotta check that out. First things first, Chad and Brad have some pre-gaming to do.

On our way to see Sammus we encounter a guy with a sign that asked “Truth or Dare.” I just pounded four cans of Budweiser. It’s time for a dare. Can I do a handstand? How about a wall push-up?

Security didn’t much like me having my feet on the wall, but looking at their rank (or lack thereof) I wasn’t intimidated. Ok. No more fooling around. Gotta go see Sammus. And it was…..[file not found]

Wait. Why am I in bed? What time is it? 3 a.m.? What happened? From what I’m told by Brad, the security guards didn’t find me telling them I outrank them amusing. Brad decided to remove me from the situation to avoid further heat and we went back to our room where I proceeded to fall into a coma.

Shit. Oh well, it’s 3 a.m. and I’m wide awake. The good thing is that there is always something to do at MAGFest. Being an old man I don’t usually get to experience MAGFest “after dark.” I headed over to the Mega Man-a-thon and watched a speedrun of Megaman DOS, a shitty fan-made Mega Man from 1990. Next, I went to the concert hall and there were still chiptune artists jamming.

I wandered downstairs to the arcade room and all weekend I had been told to check out this game called “Killer Queen.” Even in the middle of the night, there was still a decent crown gathered around the machine, which is good because it required 10 players. That’s right. Two cabinets, 5 vs 5. Holy shit! This game is a masterpiece. It’s sort of a modern take on Joust. There are three ways to win the game: fill your hive with nectar, ride the snail into its home, or kill the opposing team’s queen three times.

One player is the queen and the other four are worker bees. There is a lot going on at all times and it’s hard to focus on what is being done. "They’ve almost collected all the nectar! Guard that! Oh shit, they’ve almost got the snail in the goal!"

The gameplay is so perfectly balanced and the replay value is never-ending. I sat at the machine for over an hour straight and still wish I could have played more. If there is an arcade near you, I am telling you that you have to go play it right away.

That was pretty much MAGFest 2018 from my perspective. Another great adventure had. Cya next year!

P.P.S. Where the fuck was Bit Brigade?

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